Ten Tips to Physically and Mentally Prepare For Divorce
The failure to carefully prepare for divorce can have lasting consequences for spouses and children. If you are considering divorce, or if your spouse has already started the process, consider these ten practical tips to make sure you are in the best position possible.
1) Make sure your marriage can’t be fixed.
This one’s critical. In Florida, the principal ground for divorce is that the spouses’ marriage is “irretrievably broken.” Essentially, the parties will need to establish that the marriage can’t be fixed. In practice, the question of whether a marriage is “irretrievably broken” doesn’t usually involve an in-depth inquiry. Instead, this ground is often considered proven where the parties consent to a divorce.
Still, the permanent and emotional consequences of a divorce process warrant some reflection on this question by both spouses. Before moving forward, ask yourself: “Can my marriage be fixed?” If you can’t answer this question with a confident “no,” you might not be ready for divorce.
Unsure? Consider Alternatives to Divorce
You might explore marital counseling with your spouse. If both parties are willing to participate, a qualified marriage counselor can help the couple to understand whether the marriage can be salvaged. If not, counseling can help both parties to prepare for divorce on an emotional level. This can help to make the divorce process smoother and more efficient.
Additionally, some couples consider temporary or permanent separation as an alternative to divorce. Religious or moral considerations, preferential tax treatment or benefit status, and uncertainty regarding readiness for divorce are factors that may weigh in favor of this divorce alternative. And while Florida law does not recognize a formal process for legal separation, a couple may contract privately around separation. As such, spouses considering separation should speak with a divorce and family lawyer to assist with this step.
2) Speak with a Florida divorce lawyer.
Many Florida couples are unaware that, unless they signed a valid prenuptial agreement (or “prenup”) before marriage, the laws of Florida will decide how they will divorce.
In other words, the couple’s home, possessions, debts, entitlement and amount to alimony, child custody, and child support will all depend on what the law says in Florida — not what what the couple prefers or believes they have a right to. If you are looking to prepare for divorce, speaking with a divorce and family lawyer is essential to understand your rights and obligations under current Florida law.
While many couples try to handle their divorce without a lawyer, you should tread carefully in attempting a DIY divorce. Divorcing spouses often think that they can manage a smooth breakup of a historically turbulent and difficult marriage. But these attempts can create greater heartache and frustration when spouses disagree on important issues.
Additionally, many soon-to-be-divorcees underestimate the complexity of the issues involved in their divorce. As a result, one or both spouses could unwittingly waive an important right or overlook a critical piece of information. Avoid these missteps by speaking with a Florida divorce lawyer about your situation.
3) Set up a post office box and new e-mail address.
Consider setting up a PO box and a new email address to receive personal correspondence from your lawyer. If your spouse or children don’t know that you are thinking about divorce, this simple tip will keep your confidential communications from being intercepted and allow you to manage the message.
4) Gather important documents.
To prepare for divorce, you’ll need to obtain or make copies of these documents:
- Driver’s licenses;
- Marriage certificate;
- All premarital and marital agreements between you and your spouse;
- Injunctions for protection;
- Any relevant law enforcement reports;
- Child support orders involving you, your spouse, or children;
- Wills or trusts;
- Vehicle titles;
- Tax return information for the past three years;
- W-2s or 1099s for the past three years;
- Your paystubs for the last three months;
- Bank statements for the past three months;
- Billing statements for the past three months;
- Credit card or charge account statements for the past three months;
- Most recent statement and summary plan description for any pension, profit-sharing, deferred compensation, or retirement plan (i.e., 401(k), 403(b), IRA, etc.);
- Lease agreement(s);
- Mortgage statements and payments for the last six months;
- Declarations pages for all insurance policies; and
- A recent credit report.
5) Understand your financial circumstances.
Once you have gathered the documents listed above, you’ll need to be sure that you have a solid grasp of your finances. Specifically, consider the following when preparing for divorce:
- Income sources and amount for you and your spouse;
- Assets such as:
- Bank account numbers and balances;
- Real estate;
- Personal property, such as cars, furniture, and belongings;
- Investment accounts; and
- Businesses.
- Liabilities and expenses, including all debts, tax bills, living expenses, and other recurring expenditures.
6) Take an inventory of your belongings.
Talk a walk through your home and make a list of your belongings, including art, jewelry, furniture, valuable collections, and electronics. Try to establish a rough estimate of the value of each item. Next, identify those items that are meaningful to you and that you would like to keep through the divorce.
7) Think about your living situation.
Where do you plan on living during the divorce process? Would you like to remain in the home you’ve shared with your spouse, or would you prefer to move out? You might consider searching for nearby apartments or home rentals within your children’s current school district. Whatever your preference, you should not move out of the marital home without first speaking to a divorce lawyer about your situation.
8) Plan around your children.
If you have children, you’ll want to do whatever you can to ensure the divorce process disrupts their stability and lifestyle as little as possible. Depending on your family’s unique dynamic, the timing of filing for dissolution can be an important factor in preparing for divorce. Also, take note of your child’s after-school activities, youth team sports, childcare schedule and expenses, and school information.
9) Build up your support system.
Make no mistake: divorce can be an emotionally draining and, at times, frustrating endeavor. You’ll need a solid support system of family and close friends to lean on during the difficult moments. Seek out positive influences that build you up and encourage you rather than overanalyze or judge your personal choices. Consider reestablishing connections with old friends with whom you’ve lost touch for one reason or another.
10) Take a vow of social media silence.
When preparing for divorce, sharing on social media can cause more trouble than it’s worth. Be careful not to post any updates, comments, or pictures related to your marriage or personal relationship status, no matter how innocent or well-intentioned. Of course, avoid making any negative comments about your spouse on social media. Likewise, do not post any content that your spouse could use to place you in a negative light.
A good rule of thumb: before posting on social media, imagine that the judge in your divorce case will view the content in open court. Will he or she be pleased with what they see?